Roommates
by Satirrian
Summary: Uzumaki Naruto, the savior of the Fourth Shinobi War, had only one fear: ghosts. (Besides Sakura-chan, of course.)
1. LIFE IS LIKE A MOVIE

**Disclaimer: Disclaimed**

* * *

**LIFE IS LIKE A MOVIE**

* * *

**(o)(0)(o)**

The signs had been there for a while, ya see, but who the hell pays attention to _signs_? It's like your buddy suddenly leaves on a trip and tells you that you'll hang out when he gets back. In real life, you'd think nothing of it. But if it was in a _movie,_ well, you'd be damn freaking out, wouldn't you?

Real life situations didn't have signs, I thought. That's like saying your life was a TV show— ridiculous. And I'm a pretty sane guy. I think I'd know if I lived in Konohagakure Mental Institution. So you can't really blame me for ignoring the signs, even though I was a shinobi and should be better prepared for these things.

You know, those same people in the horror movies, with the serial killers in the masks and stuff, those same people usually died. Watch any movie; it always happens. The oblivious main character ignores the strange noises in the dark, blowing it off. Must've been the wind, he thinks. Loud footsteps in the hallway with no one there. Must've been his imagination. The window bangs open, he turns to look— but there's nothing there.

The people watching the movie, now, they get it. They know what's up; they know how it would go down. If I watched a movie of my own life, I think I would be screaming at myself right now. _You idiot!_ I'd say. But since I was living this movie, and not watching it, I think I'm scheduled an early death. The camera'll cut off-scene, and when it returns, the ghost will strangle me in the shower. Or maybe slip a pillow over my mouth while I'm sleeping. But those were mundane deaths, civilian deaths.

As a ninja, it would be so much worse.

I didn't like to stay in my apartment very long. For one thing, it was a complete mess. I kept on forgetting to take the garbage out, so it just kept on piling up. The only place with a semblance of order was the tiny kitchen, and that was out of necessity. I learned the hard way that a clean kitchen means reasonably healthy food. If I didn't watch it, I'll accidentally eat something rotten again, a very nasty experience, if ya know what I mean. Not something I care to repeat.

The other reason I tended to stay out of my apartment was because it was completely empty. No one lived there, just me all by my lonesome. If I stayed still too long I swear I can hear the silence, and it eats me up, it does. So I always do things. It's good to stay in motion, I learned, 'cause it's only when you stop that you realize you're hurt. Bothering Tsunade-baachan in the Hokage tower, sometimes, but not too much. You don't bug the Hokage too much. I memorized Sakura-chan's working hours so I could shadow her as soon as she gets out from the hospital. Sometimes I bother her enough to come eat ramen with me, and even though she says it isn't a date, it _so_ is.

One time when Sasuke got back from this super-secret reconnaissance mission that nobody was supposed to know about (nobody excluding me, of course) I had this huge get-together planned with everyone I know, Kakashi-sensei, Sakura-chan, Sai, Bushy-Brows, Hinata, Kiba, Shikamaru, Choji, Ino, Yamato, Tsunade-baachan, Kurama, Tenten, Bushy-Brows-sensei, Konohamaru and uh, Shino. Can't forget him. But the only people who showed up were Sakura, Hinata, Sai and Kurama, and I think Kurama only came because he literally had no choice, being inside me an' all. Don't tell him I said that, though. But, I mean, Sasuke didn't even show up to his own party! That's just par for the course with a bastard like him. Kakashi showed up right when we left. By now I'm just used to his lateness. He doesn't even bother with excuses anymore!

Urgh, that annoyed me.

When Sasuke's away on a mission doing stupid-Sasuke-things with those weirdos he's friends with (did I just insult myself?) and Sakura is doing Sakura-like things and saving lives, and everyone else is busy doing important shinobi things, I figure I should also do important shinobi things. So it's during these moments that I bother Tsunade-baachan for a mission.

"Naruto, _stop pestering me_." Tsunade grabbed her head in aggravation, scattering paperwork across the room. Shizune started to pick it all up with a resigned look on her face. I sent her my silent support. "I've told you _time and time again_, If there's a mission that's suited for you, I'll call for you. But I can't send the savior of the Fourth Shinobi War on just any D-Rank mission, you hear me? I can't send you on covert missions either, you're way too recognizable. Every civilian in the Elemental Nations knows your face, for Rikudo's sake!"

I must have looked pretty damn depressed, because I certainly felt like it.

"Oh, stop pouting. The best you can do is stay in the village and protect the people. Now get out! I have work to do!" She flung her hand in a clear dismissal, and I turned toward the window (because doors were just suggestions, after all) and trudged out, shoulders slumped.

It wasn't like there were a great many dangerous things going on in the Elemental Nations, not after the Fourth Shinobi War. Mostly just small-time things— the neverending bandits, thieves, murderers, deserters that always plagued humanity. Thinking that way depressed me even more, and I stopped jumping across roofs. Sometimes I thought I should be out there, travelling the world. Even if it was only one group of bandits, one thief, one almost-murderer that I saved, at least it would be something. And enough of those somethings would make a difference, if I encouraged other people to do it too.

Happy once more, I continued jumping across the roofs, only I realized that I had nowhere to go. So I ended up at my apartment, figuring I'd study some of those sealing scrolls I'd been meaning to look at. Sealing was hard to understand, very hard, but Dad could do it, so I could too.

I whipped out the key and turned the lock (_click_) when I had the sudden premonition that someone else was in my apartment. I left the key in the lock and did not move to open the door. I know it sounds weird, but these are not the sort of things you ignore. Feelings like that aren't the same as the signs I was telling you about before. When you're a shinobi, a premonition could be the difference between life and death. Funny thing was, I didn't sense any chakra. Not that I'm any good at that kind of stuff, anyway. Things were different with Kurama and Sage Mode, but you didn't walk around town carrying weapons of mass destruction, do you? Besides, those things take up a lot of energy!

I slipped a kunai into my hand from the holster on my leg and swung the door open as fast as I could. A flash of movement came from the kitchen and the kunai was already flying in that direction, a second kunai replacing the first in my hand. The knife embedded into the wall with a muted _thump,_ hitting nothing. I brought the second kunai up in a defensive position, and casually inched forward. There was no one in the kitchen or the bedroom or the living room. I checked. The feeling that someone was there did not go away and I began to worry. Genjutsu? Was someone hiding?

_Crash! _The sound of breaking plates came from the kitchen again and I snapped around. I was really jumpy. I felt like a writhing ball of nervousness, like a Rasengan, but made out of nerves instead of chakra. A bowl was lying broken on the linoleum floor, smashed to pieces. Again I searched the room, and found nothing. Paranoia began to get the better of me, and I knew, without a doubt, that an enemy ninja would attack me from behind any second. _Any second!_

_Pat pat pat. _Very quiet footsteps from the hallway. I just didn't give a shit anymore and I flung myself at the hallway, diving parallel to the floor in a move that should've tackled anyone who was there. And I hit something! Whatever it was, I attempted to wrap my hands around it to complete the tackle when the strangest thing happened. One second I felt what could have been a person, and the next I continued on my way, unhindered. I slid to a halt on my stomach, my mind in complete shock. If someone had escaped the hold, I would have felt it. But that didn't happen, ya see. It was almost like—like I went _through the person!_

I was shaking from head to toe, my eyes wide as saucers. I put my hands over my head. It couldn't be! No, I didn't want to think it. If I thought it, then it'll be true and if it was true then— no, I couldn't think it.

_Pat pat pat. Creak. _The footsteps again, coming right up to where I was lying. They stopped right by my ear on a creaky floorboard.

_Don't look up don't look up don't look up…_

For a moment, nothing happened. The shaking I felt had gotten worse, making me nearly vibrate with the tension.

Suddenly, "Man, is your entire kitchen filled with ramen? Seriously? At least get some curry or some other crap." _Slurp. _"Sorry 'bout the bowl." _Slurp._

I froze. I admit it, I froze solid, just like those characters in the movies. A male voice was speaking, young, sort of rough but not condescending. Even though he said he was sorry, he didn't _sound_ sorry. He sounded like he really didn't care. I looked up like I was seeing my last sights. _This is it_, I thought. _I'm dead._

I rolled over onto my back and saw a young man my age in a black kimono. He was casually eating a cup of instant ramen. Let me rephrase: _my_ instant ramen. When I looked up he was in the middle of slurping some noodles, half of it hung out of his mouth. His hair was the vibrant orange I saw only once before on Pein, not the best of memories.

Oh yeah, before I forget, he was transparent.

"G-g-g-gh—" I raised my shaking hand and pointed it at the person. I was so scared I could barely talk straight. Hell, I couldn't even think straight. "G-g-gh—"

"Ghost, right. Yeah, I'm a ghost. What was your first clue?"

I passed out. I'm not ashamed to say it.

I might've been the greatest shinobi since the Rikudo Sennin, I might've been the savior of the Fourth Shinobi War, but pit me against a ghost and I turn into a puddle.

Ya see, if life was like a movie— I'd make a terrible main character.

You better believe it.

**(o)(0)(o)**


	2. YOU WIN SOME, YOU LOSE SOME

**HEEEEELLO, PEOPLE OF FANFICTION! _YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?!_ IT'S TIME FOR THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF... *drumroll*... **

* * *

**YOU WIN SOME AND YOU LOSE SOME**

* * *

**(o)(0)(o)**

I was having this wonderful dream where Sakura-chan finally agreed to go on a date with me. We went to this really fancy restaurant and I kept on asking for ramen but the waiter (who was actually Yamato) said they didn't have any ramen, just curry. Sakura started to ask me why I eat ramen all the time and I couldn't answer so she kept on asking, but she should've known why already. Yamato eventually brought me Pein's head on a platter and I woke up with a start.

It took me a while to realize why it was strange that I woke up in my bed. I couldn't really place why it was strange, just that it was. It was the middle of the day, maybe that was it. I didn't normally sleep in. And— I looked down— I didn't normally sleep in my uniform. I grew alarmed and ran out of my bedroom, but did not venture into the living room/kitchen because _that's where he was._

I crouched next to the doorway, just barely peeking out. I moved very _very_ slowly and stayed as still as I could. He was lying on my couch, one arm sprawled across his face. He looked far more solid that he did before, and, _oh crap_, what if he materializes completely and attacks Konoha! I couldn't let that happen!

But I stayed still and surveyed the area. It was actually cleaner. I'm that much of a slob. When a ghost moves in with me, my apartment _becomes cleaner. _All the littered take-out boxes were put into a trash bag and the dishes in the kitchen were cleaned and placed back in the cabinets. Over in the far corner of the room, there were two enormous swords right out of the Seven Ninja Swords of the Mist. They weren't actually part of the seven swords, but they had the look. Huge and cleaver-like. One was tinier than the other, but that wasn't saying much. The huge one was as tall as I was. The swords were funny-looking and _creepy as hell_ because, guess what? _They were transparent too!_ The ghost had weapons!

That confirmed it. This ghost was a threat to Konoha and needed to be neutralized! Now if only someone could neutralize him for me because there was _no way in hell _I was gonna get near that thing!

"Oi."

I practically jumped through the roof at the noise. The ghost was speaking again! I stood up and tried to walk casually into the room. My knees weren't shaking, dammit! I pulled out a kunai.

The ghost had removed his arm and now looked down at me with one eye. "You were hovering by the doorway a long time. You want somethin'?" It sounded like if I answered yes the ghost wouldn't be too happy about it. Though I don't think he was very happy about anything.

"I-Intruder! I w-won't let you..." My voice did this little warbling thing where I started out really low and ended high.

"Do what?"

"Huh?" I lowered the kunai a tad and tilted my head. He caught me off guard. (I'm a ninja! That doesn't happen!... is what I should be saying.)

"You won't let me do what? I'm not doing anything."

"Y-y-you!" The nerve of this ghost! Complete outrage made my vision turn red. "You're freeloading off my fridge is what you're doing! _That was my ramen! _Mine!" I made a few angry slash motions with my kunai. So long as I was angry, I didn't think about the fact that _there was ghost in my apartment oh shit I need to run away right now! _

The ghost finally stood up, sliding off the couch in the way I did after training all night for the past two days. We were roughly the same height, though he might've gotten me by an inch if my hair wasn't so damn spiky. (In a spiky hair contest, I win, hands down. But the ghost came close— not that I'm actually thinking about this at any length. Heh. Get it? Length? Hair length?) He didn't seem affected by my ramen fit. He looked at me, expressionless. Then he bowed, head parallel to the ground. "My apologizes. Please let me freeload off you for an unknown period of time."

_What!_ That was all I could think. What! That was about the least expected thing he could do. When I was yelling at the guy, I didn't really think he would apologize. Didn't seem the type. I was floored. That just goes to show— nothing you know about ghosts is true until you meet one. I just floundered there for a second, staring at him, completely dumbfounded.

The ghost returned to an upright position and stuck his chin out stubbornly. "Well?" he said.

"Um… I can't let someone eat all my food just 'cause they _asked_…" I trailed off uncertainly, looking down at my feet.

The ghost 'tsked' in true Sasuke fashion and turned his head to the side. Then he mumbled something too quiet to hear.

I mustered all my remaining anger for one final outcry. There was precious little of it left. Not too many people apologized to me, ya see. "Leave!" I pointed at the door. Even to my ears it sounded lackluster. I wasn't actually looking at the ghost as I said it (I didn't have the guts) so I kept my eyes on a point just over the ghost's shoulder. "Never come back!"

"Fine!" the ghost yelled, now his voice contained actual anger. "Then why don't I live with that friend of yours?! What was her name, the one with the pink hair!?" His voice turned vengeful as he strode toward the door.

All the color bled out of my face and formed a puddle at my feet. In the blink of an eye I was blocking the exit, stopping the ghost in his tracks. "No no no no no no! No!" I yelled, waving my hands up in a 'stop' gesture, all memory of an apology forgotten.

The ghost quirked an eyebrow. "Does that mean I can stay?"

Man, I wished more than anything that I could wipe that smirk off his face. A good punch or two will clear it up fine. I pulled back my arm and leapt at him, feeling the satisfying crunch of my hand against his face. The ghost crashed to the floor and I landed on top of him. I pulled back my fist for another punch, the other hand gripping the material of his black kimono, and that's when I saw his face.

The ghost wasn't flinching or dodging. He wasn't trying to run away; he wasn't sneering at me. He just took it, his face solemn. The anger inside me wanted to smash his face to a pulp for _daring to mention _Sakura, but I reigned it in. The apology resurfaced. This was a bizarre person. "You went too far," I said.

"I know."

I got off him a little awkwardly. I didn't help him up, but I got the feeling the ghost wouldn't have appreciated it anyway. "Sit," I ordered. He sat on the floor and I sat across from him. I crossed my arms and attempted to look imposing. The ghost looked at me a little skeptically. Failed attempt. "How come I could touch you? You're a ghost."

"I'm a," his eyes flickered to the swords in the corner, "strange ghost."

"That's not an answer!" Though it was still true.

The ghost rolled his eyes. "I'm a sort of… afterlife police officer. I police other ghosts into the afterlife."

I carefully hid my reaction to this. Because a good shinobi shouldn't jump to his feet screaming 'WHAT THE FUCK' at the top of his lungs. It wasn't good for the image. Instead I let loose a little pained squeak, my face screwed up like I was constipated. "There are… more of you?" I whispered. At some point I had gotten it into my head that the only ghost that existed was the one hanging out in my apartment and eating my food. I know it was stupid, but I'm not exactly known for thinking things through.

The ghost's look said it all.

I rallied my scattered thoughts. "How do you know about Sakura-chan!?" The anger crept back into my tone. I still hadn't forgiven him for that.

The ghost tried to look nonchalant and completely failed. "Oh, you know. I might've followed you around a bit…"

"_What?!_" Have you ever had one of those moments where you have to completely reevaluate every single event that ever happened to you? No? Keep it that way. It sucks. Suddenly I was looking at every strange occurrence that ever happened to me with a new light. That time at the fruit vendors where all the cantaloupes fell and I was blamed. That time where I missed the next branch on the tree and fell twenty feet. That time where Sai said I farted when I really hadn't. "For how long?" I whispered.

"Just today," he assured and I relaxed. All those other events remained a mystery.

"But why? Is that just a ghost thing? Do ghosts have to go around haunting people, ya know, all creepy-like?"

He chuckled. It was short-lived. This ghost didn't seem like the fellow who laughed a lot. I would have to change that. I was struck by that thought. Change that? When had I finally accepted his ghost as someone who was staying for a while?

"I followed you because you're the only person in this city who can see ghosts, and I need your help."

My train of thought was derailed at the words 'only person who can see ghosts.' Oh! Why me! Why couldn't it have been Sasuke! Everything happens to Sasuke! I didn't feel special. I didn't want to see ghosts! I didn't want this power! "Are you sure?! I mean, there's tons of people in this village, I can't be the only one! Someone else maybe—"

"It's only you. And only barely, your ability was seriously underdeveloped. I had to hang around you for a whole day before you could see me."

I grabbed my hair in frustration. "You made it worse?!" I screeched.

The ghost scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion. He didn't get it. This was a shinobi village. Thousands of people died every day! I could see it now— my beloved Konoha flooded with ghosts of every shape and size. And the ones who died in the Kyuubi incident! They'd hate me just like everyone in the village did when I was a kid! But their hate would be worse, millions of times worse. Maybe I could stay in my apartment forever and never leave?

The ghost's eyes flooded with sudden comprehension. "You'll be able to see all kinds of ghosts now. Um, so, ah, don't worry about it. They usually don't bother you if you just ignore them."

"But there are going to be so many!"

"You'd be surprised. I've barely seen five other ghosts since I got here. Back in my hometown, there were hundreds of thousands hanging around. Couldn't walk ten feet without another one attaching itself to you," he scowled, probably lost in memory.

I calmed down. Okay. That was good. Konoha didn't have a lot of ghosts. I probably dodged a shuriken with that one. "What do police officer ghosts do?" I was actually kind of fascinated, as well as scared. And a little ticked off about my stolen ramen. And now that I think about it, I was kinda hungry. Huh. "And why do they need to eat human food!?"

"Okay, let me explain some things about the afterlife system, since it's pretty important. None of the spirits are actually called 'ghosts,' that's just a human term. The ghosts you're actually referring to are pluses, good spirits. I'm what you call a shinigami—"

I gasped.

"— but I'm not _the_ Shinigami. Think of the Shinigami as the boss-man—"

"Like the Hokage of the afterlife?" I interrupted, thoughtful.

"—Yeah, that. I just work for him."

"So you're an afterlife ninja?"

It was clear that the ghost didn't appreciate the comparison at all, judging by the bulging vein on his forehead, but he agreed to it. "I guess. Anyway, there're all different kinds of pluses, but the gist of it is that they're stuck on the living plane, unable to move on. When a plus is stuck long enough, he's turned into a bad spirit. They're called hollows. A hollow has to attack and eat souls to survive. They're very dangerous. The job of a shinigami is to purify hollows and help pluses move on. You get all that?"

Truthfully, my mind was spinning with all these weird technical terms and strange concepts. I sort of got the part where he worked for the Shinigami and I sort of didn't. "Um…"

The ghost facepalmed. "Get me a paper and something to write with," he sighed. He actually looked a little pained. I went to do as he said, highly suspicious. I didn't take my eyes off the ghost for a second. He could've done something when my back was turned. But, strange as it might seem, my instincts said to trust the ghost. And I trusted my instincts. Therefore— ah, here's the paper.

I came back and the ghost snatched the paper out of my hands and dipped the brush into the ink. He quickly scribbled something and showed it to me. On one side was humanoid figure without legs— the stereotypical ghost. It was smiling happily. On the other side was a black thing with a white-skull face (probably?) and it had pointed teeth and horns. The ghost pointed to the happy figure, "Good spirit," the ghost pointed to the other figure, "Bad spirit." He pointed to the happy one, "I save this one," he turned to the evil figure again, "and I kill this one."

I clapped my fist into my palm. "Your drawings suck!"

The ghost muttered murderously under his breath about drawings and idiots. He threw the drawing to the ground like he never wanted to touch it again. "So will you help me or not?"

"Help you?" I asked, honestly confused.

"I've got to… kill some evil spirits… around here. I need a place to stay in the meantime," the ghost's face was turned away, but I saw the faint pink hue covering his cheeks. Teehee. He's embarrassed.

I turned my nose up and looked away. "Well," I said in a self-righteous tone, "I don't know… Baa-chan probably wouldn't like it, ya know, living with a complete stranger… I mean, we've only just met…"

The ghost's face got redder. Hah. Teasing him was fun. "Not like that!" he immediately denied.

"You're a nice guy, for a ghost, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for the commitment—"

"Augh!" The ghost buried his face in his hands. His voice was a little muffled. "Can I stay or can I?" He looked up. "Listen, I'll earn my keep. I'll do the cooking, clean this place. Hell, I'll even do your laundry."

I had to admit, the offer was solid. But there was one thing I didn't get. I cut the act and spoke normally. "Why're you so desperate?"

"This job is going to take a while. This hollow I've got kill— hollows are evil spirits, remember it already— goes into hibernation for weeks, and when it does, it's completely untraceable. I don't think it's in this dimension, or any of the others I know. It comes out five times as strong as it was last. Then it slaughters huge amounts of people— some of them shinobi— and repeats the cycle. Right now it's insanely powerful. It's been following this cycle for years, and I've got to stop it as soon as it comes out, else the lives it'll take will be devastating. You're the only person who can see me for miles around. If I didn't want to steal food, you're my only bet."

I don't think I really understood what I was getting into. This afterlife sounded like complicated business. Not just that. It was a whole other world. Other dimensions? How many dimensions were there? The evil spirit killed shinobi too? This was a problem that would affect me? My head was spinning. But all I could think to say was, "I'll consider accepting your offer based on the quality of your cooking."

The ghost rolled his eyes and stood. I followed his lead. The ghost held out his hand. "Ichigo."

I grasped it. He wasn't one of those people that tried to crush your hand into little pieces of bone and flesh. He wasn't one of those people who barely touched you either. It was a good handshake, a firm handshake. "Naruto."

"Now go buy some food other than ramen and I'll show you how good of a cook I am."

"All right!" I pumped my fist in the air and ran to grab Gama-chan. I marveled at the turn of events. My new roommate was a ghost, and he was going to cook for me. Apparently not everything weird happens to Sasuke. I should be happy about that, but I'm not.

Eh. You win some, you lose some.

**(o)(0)(o)**


	3. HINDSIGHT IS A BITCH

**A/N: ****"I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween." - ****Anonymous**

* * *

**HINDSIGHT IS A BITCH**

* * *

**(o)(0)(o)**

Ichigo was a bastard. Plain and simple. But I'll get to that.

First off, I'm pretty sure it would be better for my 'health' if I didn't eat ramen every meal, but that never stopped me! So when Ichigo sent me on this beautiful shopping errand, I really didn't know what to do and, of course, _he_ didn't say anything, so I just got the basics. I had to ask Sakura-chan what the basics were.

"Huh? Basic food items? Naruto, are you finally learning to cook?" Sakura's pretty face looked at me slyly from her desk. I had to sneak into her office, since she was working at the time. I had debated this long and hard, but I eventually decided that the demands of a ghost preceded my own reservations about hospitals and the pain that came with interrupting Sakura. But I had to make it quick. If I could keep grilling Sakura for answers she'd forget to hit me for interrupting and if I stayed out of the line of the window in the door, no one else would realize I was there.

"Yeah, yeah! Now tell me what to get!"

A tick formed in her forehead. "You interrupted my work for _this_?" Sakura began to get The Look. Maybe I should run and wing it? No, this was important. Actually, on second thought—

"Naruto, are you okay? You look a little pale."

I opened my eyes, not realizing I had closed them. "Eh?"

Sakura didn't look angry anymore, which was good. Except now she was worried, which was worse. "Maybe I should give you a quick checkup—"

"No, I'm fine. Really. Just, ah, thought I saw something, but it was a bug. Heh." I carefully looked away from the door to Sakura's office. I didn't see anything. Nothing was phasing through the door. It was just me and Sakura-chan having a pleasant conversation about food items and bugs, no person with a chain in his chest, nope.

"Naruto, are you sure?" Sakura was smart about these things, I knew.

"Um, gotta go now, bye!" I leapt out of the window. I had to get the hell outta there.

Sakura yelled at me, "NARUTO!" but the sound eventually faded.

I felt nothing but the beat of my tread upon the rooftops and the sound my labored breathing. I ground myself to a halt about ten rooftops later, hands on my knees. Why was I so out of breath? Was this a side effect of using the new ghost-seeing pow—

Oh, look, the market. I didn't know it was so close.

I jumped down and casually strolled the street, hands behind my head. I passed a few people I knew and waved at them, they smiled back. Ah, life was good. BAM! Ow. Until you slammed into a dock worker who stopped to gawk at you in the middle of a busy marketplace. Then about _everyone else in the entire town _stopped to gawk at me, so I moved along because Baachan once gave me a fine for causing traffic jams. I can't help it! I'm too awesome!

Blearily, I turned to the nearest stand and bought some rice and vegetables. It would have to do. With the parting words, "Uzumaki-sama, it has been an _absolute honor _to serve you in any way possible!" Off to the side, almost to himself, the vendor continued to say, "That the gracious hero would buy from _my_ shop! Never in a million years!" The man looked close to tears.

"Um, no, no, it was nothing, really!"

"His graciousness knows no bounds!" the vendor wailed. I scratched the back of my head and warily flicked my eyes around. _There it is — still following me — _

"It was my pleasure! Keep the change!" I flicked a coin at him with my thumb and made a sudden leap to the top of his stand, onto the overhanging. I'm sure people would be thankful for my quick getaway. Imagine the traffic jam! Shaking my head, and thinking that, really, rooftops are _way_ better than regular roads anyway. I mean, who needs roads? Nobody important, that's who! Roads were long and annoying; rooftops were the paths of tomorrow—

"E-excuse me, I-I-I'm l-looking for— "

I felt like I was hit with an ice jutsu that only hit my heart and turned the rest of me into pudding. (Hey, that wouldn't taste too bad!) I stopped because I couldn't go forward anymore. Right in front of me, and I mean _right in front of me_, so close I was gonna step on him, a person phased through the slate of the building roof. Through the pudding, I realized that it was a civilian, not a shinobi. And I do mean 'was'. _He's dead_, I knew with unshaken certainty. (Though I was _shakin'_ 'cause I was scared and all. Get it? You know what— nevermind. Nobody appreciates me!) The civilian (because I didn't have the guts to call it a ghost, even in my head) didn't have any visible wounds like I thought he would. Ichigo didn't have any either. But Ichigo didn't have that chain in his chest! There was a chain, a few short metal links, imbedded in the center of the civilians chest, _over _the clothes.

"I-I'm l-l-l—"

I reeled back with a high screech, falling on my ass. _The guy from the hospital finally caught up to me! I'm gonna die I'm gonna die— _

"Please! I need to find m-my—"

_I'mgonnadieI'mgonnadieI'mgonnadie— _

"M-my wife!"

"Huh?" I tilted my head. "Your wife? Where is she?"

"That's j-just it," the civilian stopped quaking in nervousness now that I'd finally listened to his request. "I don't know."

I squinted my eyes in suspicion. Then the ghost suddenly lurched _way too close_ for comfort, grabbing my jacket and shoving his face close, eyes shining with desperation and breath smelling like… absolutely nothing. Huh. Never would've guessed that dead people didn't have bad breath problems. Maybe this ghost used a special brand of ghostly toothpaste. Where do you buy that kind of stuff? A store? Was there an afterlife store? This was the stuff I needed to know! _Where was the store!?_

"Please," the civilian begged, eyes pitiful, voice tiny and cracked. "You're the only person who has paid attention to me this entire time! If you don't help me… I don't know what I'd do…"

Shit! Already unstable afterlife demon prepared to enact revenge? Check. Now all I needed to do was refuse to help the civilian and we got a pretty good premise for a new horror movie.

Not in my town, buddy! "DON'T WORRY!" I slapped my fist in my palm with a loud clap. "I GOT YOUR BACK, GHOST-DUDE!" I yelled, extra-loud so as to be twice as reassuring.

The ghost jumped back and seemed to wilt a little bit, but, nevertheless, he seemed a little mollified. I reached an arm around his shoulders and forcibly dragged him back to the market, chattering along the way. "Let's check the market first, right? Lots of people in a market! Tons of people! I'm sure your wife will be there! C'mon!"

I hit the ground with nary a sound and the ghost stumbled and flailed around, like he would've reacted if he'd been alive. I righted him, definitely not thinking about how this was a _ghost _and I could _see him_ and _why me? _Instead, I was thinking of Sasuke and the fact that he'd be back soon and maybe I could dump Ichigo off at his apartment? I could tell Ichigo to pick up random things and move them around so it'd look like his apartment was haunted, and then I'd show up and tell him all these signs of ghost possession and then Sasuke would freak out and think he's possessed and I would laugh and laugh—

"Excuse me, Shinobi-san? I thought you were going to help me, but maybe not. You were probably lying… Everyone else I asked refused to even look at me…"

"Hey! I said I'd help you, so I am! I don't go back on my word! WIFE-SAN! WHERE ARE YOU?! GHOST-DUDE'S WIFE! C'MON OUT!"

"Um…" the civilian stammered in shock.

"DON'T BE SHY, WIFE-SAN! I'M NOT VIOLENT!"

I felt a tugging on my sleeve, "Shinobi-san, please…"

"OKAY, I LIED ABOUT NOT BEING VIOLENT! BUT I'M ONLY SELECTIVELY VIOLENT! YOU'RE PERFECTLY SAFE!"

"Eek! Everyone's looking!" The civilian sobbed.

"Oh, don't mind them!" I reassured. "They'd look no matter what I do. Hey, let's move down a bit, maybe she can't hear us!"

I started strolling back down the marketplace, the gawking masses obligingly moving out of my way, the civilian trailing behind me in a meek sort of manner. I continued to yell for the ghost's wife until we reached the residential district where a woman threw five kunai at me and threatened to rip out my vocal cords if I said a single word more. That put a damper on things.

"Oh, what's the difference anyway?" the civilian muttered, tone dark. I was forced to stop walking because the ghost had slumped onto a bench in front of one of the training grounds. Either number fifteen or thirty-seven. Can't remember which. "We're never going to find her…"

I remained standing and put my hands on my hips. "You can't give up! You love her don't you? You gotta find her!"

The civilian had his head slumped and his shoulders bunched up. I felt really bad. I really did. And for a ghost at that!

"I'll never find her…"

"HEY!" I slapped the ghost across the face. "Snap!" I slapped him again, "Out of it!"

The ghost straightened up out of his slouch, one hand holding his face as if in shock, his eyes shining with… something. Pain? Disbelief? Who knows. But something stopped me cold. I could've sworn there were more chain links, and now there was only one, a half bent rusted piece of metal. That was probably good. Ichigo didn't have a chain on his chest, and he seemed alright. Maybe my good deed turned him from the path of evil! … or whatever happened to ghosts when they turned bad. Didn't Ichigo mention something about that? My mind flashed to a crappily drawn black-thing-with-horns. What'd he call it? Haku? Horoto? Horoo? Howel? ...Zabuza? I'm sure if it was important I'll remember it eventually.

"Snap… out of it…" the civilian muttered dazedly. "Snap… out of it! Snap out snap out snap out snapoutsnapoutsnapoutsnapout…!"

I took a step back. Something was… off. Very off. I was confused (and a hell of a lot worried), and a vague unease took hold of my stomach enough to slosh things around unpleasantly. It may have woken Kurama up, and you don't wake Tailed Beasts from their naps. You just don't.

"Are you okay?" I said, like an idiot, and because there are few other things you can say in these sorts of situations.

The civilian's rambling cut short. Hesitantly, I reached out a hand to grab the ghosts shoulder, but stopped when he said something too quiet to hear.

"What'd you say?"

"It… _hurts_."

"Hurts?" He was a ghost, goddammit! How could he be in pain? _What do I do?_ Go to an afterlife doctor? And where was that? Right next to the afterlife store? "Tell me where it hurts and I'll help you out! My best friend's a medic!"

I almost couldn't see because the ghost was hunched over, but he was clenching the chain link in the center of his chest. "Is that it? Is that what's hurting you?"

"It… _hurts."_

A strange thought was taking place in my head, so bizarre that Sakura would punch me for blurting it out. What if there was some kind of ghost seal that prevented them from moving on? And it took the form of chains! So this civilian must be trapped here, unlike Ichigo. That's why Ichigo didn't have any chains. And now the seal was causing the ghost extreme pain! I had to undo it!

Somehow, I don't think a simple _kai_ would do the trick.

"_It hurts!"_

It's usually during these situations that I either do something so amazing that even Sasuke had to compliment me, or I do something so stupid that Sakura won't talk to me for a week. It was 50/50, honestly. I'm not called the Most Unpredictable Ninja for nothing, people.

But regardless of whether I did something stupid or brilliant, the facts were still the same. This ghost was in pain, and I could do something to help him.

Hindsight is a bitch.

And Ichigo is still a bastard.

**(o)(0)(o)**

* * *

**BLOOPERS:**

"**Oi! I said I'd help you, so I am! I don't go back on my word! That's my nindo way-dattebayo! WAIFU-CHAN! DOKU DESU KA?! YURE-OSSAN'S WAIFU! C'MON OUT-DATTEBAYO! No, Hinata, I'm not talking to you, go away! WHERE ARE YOU, WAIFU?!"**

"**I'm here!" yelled Orihime. **

"**... do I know you?" I wondered.**

* * *

**(o)(0)(o)**


	4. KEEP YOUR PROMISES

**A/N: Fun fact: In order to account for Naruto's "dattebayo" and also make Naruto's speech less awkward, excess words like "ya see," "ya know," "I mean," "believe me," etc. are placeholders. I could've used "believe it" but... no. Just no. **

**Another fun fact: I love Minato's jutsu naming sense. **

* * *

**KEEP YOUR PROMISES**

* * *

**(o)(0)(o)**

I grabbed the chain with one hand, planted my feet firmly on the ground, and pulled. Unexpectedly, the chain had almost no resistance; it was like poking a hole through a wet piece of paper. It took barely a second for the link to come free in my hand. I say unexpectedly, but you know that wasn't the unexpected part. The unexpected part came next.

An inhuman screech, so loud it pierced the heavens, shattered the air. The ghost arched his back and turned his twisted face skyward. Blindly, his eyes white with some unknown energy, he groped at the center of his chest, searching for something he couldn't find.

"Ghost-dude? Ghost-dude, what's happening?!"

Underneath the ghost, an empty blackness began seeping up, dragging the ghost into its depths. All the while, the screech went on. I started to get a bad feeling about this… Yes, only now.

Just as the screech petered out, a white light covered the ghost from head to toe, and the ghost exploded. There's no other word for it. I'd put up an arm to shield my face, and when I lowered it back down, I found that the ghost who so desperately wanted to find his wife was completely gone.

_Did I just complete a successful ghost-exorcising-jutsu?!_ I threw my fist into the air! Hmm, what should I call it? The Ultimate-Wind-Slasher-Power-Eradication-Mystical-Spirit-Bending-Pull-no-jutsu? No, no, that was something Dad would use…

An invisible force slammed into my chest with the power of Bushy-Brows' punches. It was suddenly hard to breathe, like the sensation I got after running away from the hospital. As I suspected it must've had something to do with my new ghost pow—

A hand slammed me into the ground, breaking the concrete. Little pieces of rock flew away like shrapnel. I coughed, so I reached up a hand and wiped away the blood. I tried to stand up before I was blitzed again. On one knee, I could just make out a lumbering form in the thick smoke before the hand came back and smashed me through a building into someone's residential quarters.

Picking myself up and mentally counting the broken ribs, I came face to face with a little boy. The kid blinked once. I blinked in response. The kid turned to the door that supposedly led to the rest of the house and yelled, "MOM! The ninjas broke in again!"

I slapped a hand over his mouth before he could say anything more. "_Quiet!"_ I hissed. I scanned the opening in the wall. The smoke finally cleared, but I saw nothing out of the ordinary. Just my indentation. "Listen, kid, run to your mom and don't come outside, okay?" The boy looked a little wide-eyed. "_Okay?"_ I insisted. He nodded.

I shoved him toward the door at the same time a giant "hand" swooped through the hole in the wall and wrapped his talons around the child. The boy cried out, "What's happening?!" I dashed over to the hand and attempted to keep the "fingers" from enclosing the boy and squishing him to death. But the power of this— this monster was _unbelievable!_ My veins were bulging in my arms, my face turning red. Through clenched teeth, I barked, "_Run!_"

"From what?!" The boy sobbed, helplessly looking around for something he couldn't see.

Ichigo's voice repeated in my mind: _Because you're the only person in this city who can see ghosts._

_The only one._

I roared and threw my back at the talons of the monster. I used my left hand to grab the kid by the front of his shirt and threw him as far away as possible in the same room. As soon as the boy was free, I dropped to the ground. The fingers of the monster came together with a harsh snap. The creature screeched with displeasure. (Why was that screech familiar? No time to think!)

The monster took its arm and extracted it out of the house by knocking down the entire side of the building. I shielded the kid from debris with my own body. As soon as the last crash ended, I threw myself into a standing position and got a clear view of the monster.

It stood about twenty feet tall and was completely covered in some type of white bone, all except for a gaping hole in the middle of its chest. _Whoa boy, we got a live one here, _I thought. (What irony.) It was vaguely humanoid with forearms as long as it's body. The monster turned it's insectoid head to me and screeched once more, revealing a double layer of teeth and a forked tongue. The creature's hot breath blew my hair back, smelling like… absolutely nothing.

Then its entire body shot forward and I couldn't dodge. The boy was right behind me. Time felt exceptionally slow. Suddenly, like how everything seems to come to me, the familiar screech, the scentless breath, the boy's blindness, it all came together into a horrible picture. Like Ichigo's drawings. Only it was too late.

My hands flew up into the Clone Seal with the slowness of walking underwater; my call to Kurama was a barely articulated cry— _Shit, I have to at least save the child— _

If I was any less of a ninja than I am, I wouldn't've been able to see it. But since I fought people like _Sasuke _on a daily basis, I was used to fast. Hell, nobody could compete with me in Tailed-Beast-Mode, I _was _fast.

But this was something different. I caught the sight of a blur coming in from the east. I'd catch sight of it for a bare millisecond before it'd suddenly jump forward, like a security camera that took pictures every few seconds. The image would jump forward without any transition that I could see, a movie frame by frame. I noticed this all in the back of my mind as the monster's head continued to encroach on my personal space. (Nice talk for: eat me.)

I was never one to close my eyes to death. Wasn't my style, ya know.

So I saw the exact moment Ichigo planted his hand on the creature's second layer of teeth and shattered the monster's entire bone structure by simply standing still. Of course, that did nothing against the momentum of a ten ton monster barreling across someone's living room and the entire weight slammed into my wayward roommate. Bits of the creature's mask flew in all directions. The creature's body hit Ichigo and skidded out to the left, crashing into the wall leading to the rest of the house.

The broken face of the monster screeched, this time in anger. It picked itself up from the debris, one golden eye glaring murderously, the other oozing white stuff. It looked like liquified bone. My eyes flashed over to Ichigo in worry— _nobody could take a hit like that_— but he was already in motion. He had one of those huge-ass swords he lugged around in one hand, the longer of the two, and was darting forward in that same way as before, one second right in front of me, the next halfway across the room.

He brought the sword up over his head and jumped at the monster, bringing the sword down as he fell. The creature hissed and rolled out of the way, back outside. Ichigo's sword came down with a slash that cleaved the floor in two.

Instead of following it outside, Ichigo practically collapsed. He barely stood up by leaning on his sword, and that heavy breathing couldn't be good!

I spared a warning glance at the kid, "_Don't move!" _And I pelted over to the guy. I had never noticed before, but there were heavy bags under his eyes, like he hadn't slept in a while. Or maybe I _had_ noticed but hadn't thought much of it. He was a ghost, after all. Ghosts shouldn't get tired. Ghosts shouldn't get hungry. Ghosts shouldn't have to fight monsters.

They were just supposed to haunt places and stuff.

"Hey!" I reached out a hand to steady Ichigo, but he angrily shook me off. I didn't try it again. "Hey, what's wrong!?"

"I'm almost out of reiatsu." He sounded frustrated with himself.

I didn't know what reiatsu was. Ghost chakra? "That monster's gonna come back in and slaughter us!" I yelled. "You're the only one who can fight it! You gotta get up!"

"_Don't you think I know that?!" _he growled at me, scowling fiercely. He forced himself to stand up, albeit unsteadily. With the grimmest face imaginable, he stalked outside. The guy looked like he would pass out, so I followed after him.

Outside, the monster was thrashing to and fro in pain, letting out intermittent squawks. And to my greatest surprise, it started to speak. In the ghost-dude's voice.

I guess I shoulda looked harder for his wife.

"_Foolish shinigami! You think you can defeat me?! You will become the meat to fuel my hunger!"_

Ichigo looked rather blase about the entire situation. I guess people try to eat him all the time. He moved his sword into a ready position. "As if you could take me, hollow!"

The… "hollow"… flew forward in a blatantly straight-forward attack at the same time Ichigo threw a five foot sword at my face. Ichigo ducked under the flying monster, his orange hair skimming the creature's talons, and flopped down on the other side.

Meanwhile, I had bigger problems to deal with, mainly catching the damn cleaver that was trying to stab me. Luckily, Ichigo had thrown it hilt first, else I probably wouldn't be telling this story. Taking the sword in two hands and having absolutely no idea what to do with it, I vaguely positioned the pointy end at the monster and gravity did all the work. The hollow's head landed right on the tip of Ichigo's sword. The bone-white substance of the monster started dissolving into tiny bits of white light, fading into the air.

Just for a moment, I thought I saw the regular civilian ghost that caused this whole mess.

"Ghost-dude, I'm sorry!"

The civilian smiled for the barest second. Then he was gone.

I dropped Ichigo's sword and it sunk a foot in the ground. Damn, that sword was heavy! I basked in the after-battle silence. Broken plaster, wood, and rock were scattered all over the place. The residential home was practically ruined. Distantly, I could hear someone crying. It must've been that kid.

I shook myself when I realized a crowd would soon form around the area. _I'll explain everything to Baachan later. _I really didn't feel like dealing with her right now. No, I had someone worse to deal with.

Ichigo was passed out in-between a chunk of plaster and fractured bricks. Stepping on the bricks, I crouched at his side. "Let's go. Crowds will be forming. We should get out of here."

He mumbled something unintelligible.

"What was that?"

He turned his face to me. "_I. Can't. Move." _It totally pained him to say that. He was the sorta guy who'd sooner die than be helpless. I knew that 'cause I felt the same way sometimes.

"Well. I can't just leave you here. It'd be weird if people started stepping on invisible bodies, ya know."

Ichigo rolled his eyes.

"_So."_ I felt my face widen into a mischievous grin. "I have no other choice." I grabbed Ichigo by the shoulders, hauled him up into a sitting position, then threw him onto my back. I tried to ignore that awful memory of Bushy-Brows-sensei giving Kakashi a piggy-back ride. I really did. That's a memory you try to suppress as much as possible.

"Oh, we are _so _not doing this," Ichigo growled.

"It's almost as bad from this end, believe me." _Suppress memory, suppress memory… _

I started the long trudge back to my apartment. After about three steps, Ichigo reminded me, "...don't forget my sword."

"Oh no, I am _not _carrying that thing. It weighs more than you do!"

"Well, we can't leave him here!"

"I'm not carrying it!"

"Then I will!"

I blew up, "That's the same thing as me carrying it!"

After some squabbling that basically surmounted to: "Carry it!" "No!" "Carry it!" "No!" (I totally should've won that argument, by the way.) Ichigo won out. In the end, someone tripping over an invisible sword is almost as bad as someone tripping over an invisible body. My own reasoning was used against me. Damn.

Once again, with twice the weight on my back from Ichigo and his two _fricking_ swords, I started walking back home. I must've looked weird to any passerby, since they couldn't see Ichigo. I was thankful for that. You don't give piggy-back rides to grown men. You just don't.

My stomach growled. "Yo, Ichigo! What happened to that food you promised me?!"

"Eh, let's just order take-out."

I felt my eye twitch. I formed my words very carefully. "You weren't going to cook anything in the first place, were you?"

His silence was enough of an answer.

"... You bastard."

* * *

**(o)(0)(o)**

* * *

Desperate for the next chapter? I keep my profile up-to-date with my writing progress. It'll give you a real-time percentage of how close I am to finishing the next chapter, just for your convenience!


End file.
